An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
(Robert Heinlein - American Novelist)

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
(Robert Heinlein - American Novelist)

Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake.
(Napolean Bonaparte - French Military & Political Leader)

He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it easier to do it a second time.
(Thomas Jefferson - Former President of U.S.A.) 

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
(Charles De Gaulle - Former President of French Republic)

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
(Will Rogers - American Humorist/Comedian)

Folks who never do any more than they are paid for, never get paid for any more than they do. 
(Elbert Hubbard - American Writer/Artist)

It’s better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt. 
(Abraham Lincoln - Former President of U.S.A.)

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg. 
(Samuel Butler - Novelist)

Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals.
(Oscar Wilde - Irish Writer)

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
(Albert Einstein - German Physicist)

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
(George Bernard Shaw - Irish Playwright)

The only man who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew every time he sees me, while all the rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.
(George Bernard Shaw - Irish Playwright)

People tend to forget their duties but remember their rights.
(Indira Gandhi - Former Prime Minister of India)

One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others.
(Robert Heinlein - American Novelist)

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.
(Albert Einstein - German Physicist)

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
(Rich Cook)

What a Come Back

“FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and

shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute,  but you’re not one, are you?

---

Abraham Lincoln was not the most attractive presidents but he was in a sense, almost fascinatingly ugly. During a debate, Lincoln was accused by his more hostile opponent of being two-faced. Lincoln managed to accomplish what few men have done before, he defended himself without insulting the other man, and even poked fun at a flaw of his all in the same sentence. Lincoln calmly turned to the crowd and said:

“If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?”